Buzz Buzz BUZZ!!!
Gawd, I am so frigging blonde it's pathetic. So I'm tired on the way home from work and I'm cold even with the heater on. I've passed that damned steakhouse one too many times tired and starving and POOR, so I stop for hot food at McD's. This is a really HUGE no no, but I am in I don't give a fuck I deserve whatever I want mode (but not a steak, I'm not that self indulgent). Got a chicken sandwich with big old honking pack of fries for AR (because he is much less likely to ding me for being bad if I bring his favorite treat) and I want a hot drink. HOT dammit! Ok, well hot chocolate is HOT dammit, but did I get one? No, I got a caramel latte. I got COFFEE at 7:30 pm. Apparently McD's coffee actually has some caffeine in it, because here it is almost midnight and I am still tapping away at this stupid machine. Blech.
Ok, so then I get home and go to score one last instrument on this totally fascinating kid I tested today only to find I don't have the damned PAI scoring sheet. Dang! Remembered I need to look up percentiles for the WRAT on him too, look in the WISC kit suitcase where I stashed those last and SCORE!!! I found a PAI scoring sheet. Happy dance!!! So I sat crouched on the floor for 45 minutes counting up raw scores (can't turn on the dining room light or I'll wake the birds), translating into T scores and plotting plotting plotting about this kid. Wow, he really IS weird! Weird in expected areas, but it's pretty irratic. Then I get to the last validity scale and find that there IS no #301 or #270 as this test stops at 264 questions. What the fuck? THEN, after all this work, I realize that the scoring sheet is for the PAI and I am scoring the PAI-A... the adolescent version. ARRRRRGGGGGHHH!
Ok, well the raw scores are fine on everything but the one validity scale where you are comparing one question with another, so that work wasn't wasted, and that was the bulk, but the T scores are out the window. I'll be curious to see how the correct ones compare with their adult counterparts for those scales. Thank God I didn't translate and plot all the subscales, too. That was next on the list...
I'm now going to pour one last bucket of eyedrops in my poor little dried up raisins and go pretend to sleep. AR doesn't sleep well alone so I'll try to be a good little wifey and give him at least half a night of rest. Of course I'll probably just itch and twitch and twist until he can't sleep at all! Will somebody please pass me the dunce cap?
Monday, September 24, 2007
When it Rains...
It pours, they say. Well it isn't exactly raining jobs on me, but at least job teasers! Today I ran into the Program Manager from the group home where I used to work. She told me she's been seeing my reports (some of my clients have ended up in the group home so their psych evals go with them) and has been harassing the owner about why they let me go. That was nice to hear! So anyway, she asked if I'd be interested in doing staff trainings on various mental health issues for pay. Well YES!!! No idea how much pull she has these days, but I wouldn't mind doing some paid gigs at my convenience to bolster the old pocketbook and fluff up the resume. Nope, not one bit!
It would be a nice way to break myself in to teaching since their staff is generally made up of people with Associate degrees in various child development or criminal justice fields rather than grad students in psychology, who tend to be a whole bunch more knowledgeable in the field. Thus I could do a good deed (if I do it well, anyway) in a relatively 'safe' environment to start with.
No idea if anything will come of this, but it made the day brighter, that's for sure!
It would be a nice way to break myself in to teaching since their staff is generally made up of people with Associate degrees in various child development or criminal justice fields rather than grad students in psychology, who tend to be a whole bunch more knowledgeable in the field. Thus I could do a good deed (if I do it well, anyway) in a relatively 'safe' environment to start with.
No idea if anything will come of this, but it made the day brighter, that's for sure!
Thursday, September 20, 2007
All the leaves are orange...
And the sky is blue. Ok, so I AM in California and it's not winter, it's fall. But wow, it really IS fall already, for real! I can't believe September is 2/3 gone and we have leaves changing color and berries popping out all over. After all that sweltering heat and such a weird mix of weather this summer I seem to be completely discombobulated about what season it's supposed to be. Now we seem to be back on track for fall with crisp clear mornings and mild daytime temps. AR has worked hard to get the lawn back from it's double crisping this summer and things are a little green from early morning fogs, so I'm feeling like I'm back on Planet Earth after all!
But with Fall comes school... just a couple of weeks away now. I have so much paperwork to sort out and summer tasks left undone and no TIME all of a sudden! Having to evacuate the house and then thinking they were going to paint and reroof made us opt not to do many of the backyard projects we meant to, so now that neither has happened I am a little miffed to be so behind. The heat and my depression are just as responsible though. So in the next two weeks I need to finish up the safety features on my cockatiels' cage so they can stay outside safely overnight when I am at school. Then Gus needs his whole cage framed in and a double layer of wire added to make him predator proof just in case something comes up on the porch during the day when AR is inside and can't hear. (Gus is of African heritage and not so hardy as the tiels, so he will never spend his nights outside - but he's also best buds with AR and he doesn't scream incessantly like the little crested lackwits). I want to replant all my pots on the porch with herbs and pretty things to replace what was killed by the fumigation debacle and I want to get all my school stuff archived in an ordered, accessible fashion. Hm... is that a realistic amount of stuff for two weeks?
Lately my casework has been amazingly interesting. Lots of dangerousness with my clients and/or with their families, so I've been fascinated with my work. We've done a great deal of interdepartmental/interagency coordinating on these cases, so that's a new experience for me, but I love being in the various meetings and hearing how everyone coordinates to try to solve these sticky problems. Have a report to wrap up today and six clients to see tomorrow. Humming right along...
STILL no word on whether I have a part time job on the weekends or not. Lot's of "oh yes, you're in!" comments from various sources, but nothing I can take to the bank. So much for packing in the hours with two practica and a job over the summer. The second practicum just now started taking people and the job looks as if it will start right about when school does... if that soon! Sigh... And no word on my financial aid, either. I did get something from Sallie Mae about privacy, so I'm guessing there is something to keep private? I expected an AWARD LETTER, but I guess that's reaching, eh? And the school was supposed to mail me a promisory note to sign which I have never received. It's past the date where I would have to pay $100 for being late, but they assured me they would mail it and assure me they did, so all I can do is wait and hope I won't have to fight about this later. I did manage to spend over $500 for books though, so I sure as hell hope my tuition is paid! At least this next week or two will be fun because every trip to the mailbox will be like Christmas morning; what might have come today?
Got a new for pleasure novel yesterday called Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood, so have been reading myself to sleep the past couple of nights with that. Saw the reference in one of the articles about Alex the parrot. There are references to him in the book, and it's got a sci fi theme, so I couldn't help but bite.
Gee... this was a here and there, this and that, not so riveting sort of post, wasn't it? Just got tired of looking at the same title on my blog and wanted to change things up...
But with Fall comes school... just a couple of weeks away now. I have so much paperwork to sort out and summer tasks left undone and no TIME all of a sudden! Having to evacuate the house and then thinking they were going to paint and reroof made us opt not to do many of the backyard projects we meant to, so now that neither has happened I am a little miffed to be so behind. The heat and my depression are just as responsible though. So in the next two weeks I need to finish up the safety features on my cockatiels' cage so they can stay outside safely overnight when I am at school. Then Gus needs his whole cage framed in and a double layer of wire added to make him predator proof just in case something comes up on the porch during the day when AR is inside and can't hear. (Gus is of African heritage and not so hardy as the tiels, so he will never spend his nights outside - but he's also best buds with AR and he doesn't scream incessantly like the little crested lackwits). I want to replant all my pots on the porch with herbs and pretty things to replace what was killed by the fumigation debacle and I want to get all my school stuff archived in an ordered, accessible fashion. Hm... is that a realistic amount of stuff for two weeks?
Lately my casework has been amazingly interesting. Lots of dangerousness with my clients and/or with their families, so I've been fascinated with my work. We've done a great deal of interdepartmental/interagency coordinating on these cases, so that's a new experience for me, but I love being in the various meetings and hearing how everyone coordinates to try to solve these sticky problems. Have a report to wrap up today and six clients to see tomorrow. Humming right along...
STILL no word on whether I have a part time job on the weekends or not. Lot's of "oh yes, you're in!" comments from various sources, but nothing I can take to the bank. So much for packing in the hours with two practica and a job over the summer. The second practicum just now started taking people and the job looks as if it will start right about when school does... if that soon! Sigh... And no word on my financial aid, either. I did get something from Sallie Mae about privacy, so I'm guessing there is something to keep private? I expected an AWARD LETTER, but I guess that's reaching, eh? And the school was supposed to mail me a promisory note to sign which I have never received. It's past the date where I would have to pay $100 for being late, but they assured me they would mail it and assure me they did, so all I can do is wait and hope I won't have to fight about this later. I did manage to spend over $500 for books though, so I sure as hell hope my tuition is paid! At least this next week or two will be fun because every trip to the mailbox will be like Christmas morning; what might have come today?
Got a new for pleasure novel yesterday called Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood, so have been reading myself to sleep the past couple of nights with that. Saw the reference in one of the articles about Alex the parrot. There are references to him in the book, and it's got a sci fi theme, so I couldn't help but bite.
Gee... this was a here and there, this and that, not so riveting sort of post, wasn't it? Just got tired of looking at the same title on my blog and wanted to change things up...
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Venus Retrograde
This one is for Didi.
I wrote to a third year classmate about being depressed, since he was asking why I hadn't logged onto World of Warcraft for nearly a month. After describing what I had been feeling and how long he answered back as follows:
It's called Venus Retrograde, and never fear, it will be over in two or three days!
I wasn't sure if that was an astrological reference or maybe an STD, so I Googled it. Perfect fit! LOL! I'm doing much better now, so it must be true.
Just Wednesday night though, I overreacted to something AR said and it triggered a three hour crying jag and a big tearful lecture to him about what I do and do not need to hear from him. (I'd feel sorry for putting him through it, but hey, after all these years of constantly putting up with his moods I figure, screw it, he can deal with mine once per decade!) I sent an e-mail to my sister later that night because I couldn't sleep and she concluded that Venus must be ripping through Sagittarius in a big way because I was flipping out over trivia. LMAO!!!
Not out of the woods yet, I don't think, but definitely on an upward climb. I have to thank my friend for giving me an excuse, and some hope. Come October 12th I am a FREE BIRD. WHOOP!!! =p
I wrote to a third year classmate about being depressed, since he was asking why I hadn't logged onto World of Warcraft for nearly a month. After describing what I had been feeling and how long he answered back as follows:
It's called Venus Retrograde, and never fear, it will be over in two or three days!
I wasn't sure if that was an astrological reference or maybe an STD, so I Googled it. Perfect fit! LOL! I'm doing much better now, so it must be true.
Just Wednesday night though, I overreacted to something AR said and it triggered a three hour crying jag and a big tearful lecture to him about what I do and do not need to hear from him. (I'd feel sorry for putting him through it, but hey, after all these years of constantly putting up with his moods I figure, screw it, he can deal with mine once per decade!) I sent an e-mail to my sister later that night because I couldn't sleep and she concluded that Venus must be ripping through Sagittarius in a big way because I was flipping out over trivia. LMAO!!!
Not out of the woods yet, I don't think, but definitely on an upward climb. I have to thank my friend for giving me an excuse, and some hope. Come October 12th I am a FREE BIRD. WHOOP!!! =p
Friday, September 14, 2007
Up Up and Away!
Wow, what a really EXCELLENT day I had yesterday! First off my very own report, modified only slightly by my supervisor, went to court yesterday. Usually I do the testing and write up the results and any behavioral observations and then he does the rest and incorporates my stuff into his report. This time it was the other way around; I did the testing, two client interviews and an interview with the parent and wrote all that up. Then he interviewed the parent and the client and gave me his stuff to incorporate into mine. We then collaborated on the diagnosis and treatment plan and wrote those parts together. He reviewed my work and changed almost nothing, and that's how it went to the judge. Hooray! It's still his name on the report, as he would have to testify if the judge requested it, though I could certainly be subpoenaed. That's fine by me, I'm not quite ready to actually testify in court, but I may do that at some point before this practicum is over. Anyway I was over the MOON about it!
Then yesterday was also orientation for the incoming PsyD class at my university, so I went with a few other volunteers in the existing classes, and presented to the newbies and did a Q&A session. We then offered ourselves as mentors for the new group, so that should be fun if any of them take us up on it! I am also now officially a member of our newborn student government, which is very much out of character for me and weird, but it will look good on a resume I suppose, and we need a student steering committee for accreditation. I find though that it is uplifting because it gives me a sense of having some control over my program and control in any area at all helps combat the powerlessness that feeds depression and anxiety. It's especially cool because this is a brand new program and those of us who step up to the plate will have a significant impact on how the final product looks, which is a pretty unique opportunity. I absolutely love how the faculty at my school treats the students like colleagues rather than elevating themselves above us as is the norm. Another rare and unique experience I am gaining at this university!
After the orientation some of us stayed and took the director of our program out to eat for her birthday, and that was just WAY cool! It was just two students and the rest faculty, but there was no distinction made in the conversation, and we all had a wonderful time.
So I'm all hyped up about my program and excited to get started again in three weeks for the next leg of the journey. I am SOOOO glad I did this!
Then yesterday was also orientation for the incoming PsyD class at my university, so I went with a few other volunteers in the existing classes, and presented to the newbies and did a Q&A session. We then offered ourselves as mentors for the new group, so that should be fun if any of them take us up on it! I am also now officially a member of our newborn student government, which is very much out of character for me and weird, but it will look good on a resume I suppose, and we need a student steering committee for accreditation. I find though that it is uplifting because it gives me a sense of having some control over my program and control in any area at all helps combat the powerlessness that feeds depression and anxiety. It's especially cool because this is a brand new program and those of us who step up to the plate will have a significant impact on how the final product looks, which is a pretty unique opportunity. I absolutely love how the faculty at my school treats the students like colleagues rather than elevating themselves above us as is the norm. Another rare and unique experience I am gaining at this university!
After the orientation some of us stayed and took the director of our program out to eat for her birthday, and that was just WAY cool! It was just two students and the rest faculty, but there was no distinction made in the conversation, and we all had a wonderful time.
So I'm all hyped up about my program and excited to get started again in three weeks for the next leg of the journey. I am SOOOO glad I did this!
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
RIP Alex
Alex the African Grey parrot and subject of landmark studies of bird intelligence dies at 31
This just tears me up, and I cannot IMAGINE what Dr. Pepperberg must be going through about now. The average lifespan for African Grey parrots is 50-70 years so it is very strange for him to have died so young with no explanation. She and he together have challenged many assumptions about the nature of cognition, language and the ability of non-human animals to think and communicate in ways previously believed to be reserved for the 'humans only' club. I know she'll continue to do great work, but Alex started it all...
This just tears me up, and I cannot IMAGINE what Dr. Pepperberg must be going through about now. The average lifespan for African Grey parrots is 50-70 years so it is very strange for him to have died so young with no explanation. She and he together have challenged many assumptions about the nature of cognition, language and the ability of non-human animals to think and communicate in ways previously believed to be reserved for the 'humans only' club. I know she'll continue to do great work, but Alex started it all...
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Spurs, umbrella hats and strap on dildos.
It's hot here. Yesterday Gus (Senegal parrot) and I tried to do our daily walk three different times and had to throw in the towel each time. The second one ended with Gus hanging out his wings and panting, so I hustled it back to the house and misted him with cold water. During our evening walk he demanded to share my water with me straight out of the bottle (I'd been dipping my finger in it to let him drink in drops off the end). I tipped the bottle very slowly for him, and just as the liquid got to his beak he got impatient and gave it a big yank, which resulted in him being doused and us losing about 1/4th of our drinking water. He was MOST dismayed and didn't ask for anymore water after that.
This morning we got a fairly early start, but it was already 84 degrees and only a very light, intermittent breeze was blowing. Gah. But there is nothing worse than sitting around in extreme heat (we have no air conditioning) feeling yourself getting fatter by the moment and craving just one more Dove Bite ice cream out of the freezer. Besides, Gus has been getting a rather loud version of cabin fever, what with all the shades pulled down and the house in perpetual twilight. I took along a bottle of water for me and a baby carrot for Gus so he wouldn't get frustrated with the bottle.
Things started out fine, but soon we got to the Big Hill. It is my theory that if it can withstand these daily ordeals, my heart will stay youthful this way (no comment from the knees). There were some long stretches without shade on The Hill, and at the second one Gus decided that he felt exposed and clambered down to what he thought might be my shady spot. Unfortunately even with 20 pounds more insulation than I need I am still not in the shade in the summer, heat in the winter category of person, so my barely there veranda didn't offer much cover. Still, he preferred to ride along on my finger, held just below my bust line. On the third shadeless stretch he reached down and pinched the hand he was standing on. Not wanting to give the little shit smear a drama reward I tried not to react at all, but I think I sped up a little. On the fourth patch he pinched me two times, a little harder than before, and I sped up quite a bit. See, there is this law of conservation of energy, and since I was resisting flinging his expensive little green ass onto the pavement and didn't want to give him the thrill of a stream of invective, I had to go somewhere with the energy, so I walked faster. Slow witted primate that I am it took until the third repetition of biting and hurrying up to understand he was DRIVING me! The little bugger was putting the spurs to his mount to get to the shady spots faster! Once there he'd begin saying, "Treat time!" over and over until I gave him some carrot. He really didn't seem that interested in the treat, but to get it I had to dig in my pocket and that made me slow down, and as long as I was slowing down I opted for a drink out of my water bottle. Ahh... faster in the hot parts, slow in the shade. When we finally got back to the driveway he scuttled up to my shoulder in excitement and proceeded to sink his beak deep into my shirt over and over and OVER, apparently trying to urge me to run that home stretch and fly through the finish line in a burst of glory! Thank God I put shoulder pads under my shirt to save me from his pointy little talons or I'd be a bloody mess. As it is my shirt is now breathtakingly well aerated.
Upon examining all the little blood blisters on my hands (and the one puncture wound - I was getting tired and didn't speed up enough that time), I came to the conclusion that next time I am going to wear one of those umbrella hats to shade us both and get a strap on dildo to wear over my shoulders. That should make for a nice, easy to grip perch at about mid-chest level for Gus to ride. He can bite the hell out of it all he pleases and I won't mind a bit!
This morning we got a fairly early start, but it was already 84 degrees and only a very light, intermittent breeze was blowing. Gah. But there is nothing worse than sitting around in extreme heat (we have no air conditioning) feeling yourself getting fatter by the moment and craving just one more Dove Bite ice cream out of the freezer. Besides, Gus has been getting a rather loud version of cabin fever, what with all the shades pulled down and the house in perpetual twilight. I took along a bottle of water for me and a baby carrot for Gus so he wouldn't get frustrated with the bottle.
Things started out fine, but soon we got to the Big Hill. It is my theory that if it can withstand these daily ordeals, my heart will stay youthful this way (no comment from the knees). There were some long stretches without shade on The Hill, and at the second one Gus decided that he felt exposed and clambered down to what he thought might be my shady spot. Unfortunately even with 20 pounds more insulation than I need I am still not in the shade in the summer, heat in the winter category of person, so my barely there veranda didn't offer much cover. Still, he preferred to ride along on my finger, held just below my bust line. On the third shadeless stretch he reached down and pinched the hand he was standing on. Not wanting to give the little shit smear a drama reward I tried not to react at all, but I think I sped up a little. On the fourth patch he pinched me two times, a little harder than before, and I sped up quite a bit. See, there is this law of conservation of energy, and since I was resisting flinging his expensive little green ass onto the pavement and didn't want to give him the thrill of a stream of invective, I had to go somewhere with the energy, so I walked faster. Slow witted primate that I am it took until the third repetition of biting and hurrying up to understand he was DRIVING me! The little bugger was putting the spurs to his mount to get to the shady spots faster! Once there he'd begin saying, "Treat time!" over and over until I gave him some carrot. He really didn't seem that interested in the treat, but to get it I had to dig in my pocket and that made me slow down, and as long as I was slowing down I opted for a drink out of my water bottle. Ahh... faster in the hot parts, slow in the shade. When we finally got back to the driveway he scuttled up to my shoulder in excitement and proceeded to sink his beak deep into my shirt over and over and OVER, apparently trying to urge me to run that home stretch and fly through the finish line in a burst of glory! Thank God I put shoulder pads under my shirt to save me from his pointy little talons or I'd be a bloody mess. As it is my shirt is now breathtakingly well aerated.
Upon examining all the little blood blisters on my hands (and the one puncture wound - I was getting tired and didn't speed up enough that time), I came to the conclusion that next time I am going to wear one of those umbrella hats to shade us both and get a strap on dildo to wear over my shoulders. That should make for a nice, easy to grip perch at about mid-chest level for Gus to ride. He can bite the hell out of it all he pleases and I won't mind a bit!
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