Day three of feeling seriously unwell. We ran out of bottled water and because we live way out in the country we decided not to go into town and buy 5 gallons to tide us over. When we first moved here, almost 14 years ago, the neighbors who share our well had the water tested and found e-coli levels unacceptably high. Well water changes with the weather as the level goes up and down, so the test was just a snapshot, but we prefer bottled water anyway. Then again, we brush our teeth and wash our veggies with the tap water and have never gotten sick, and other neighbors drink theirs with no problem (nearby but different wells), so we though we'd be fine. NOT! Drank water on Sunday, got sick Sunday afternoon. Got fresh water on Monday. AR was sick yesterday but is fine today, I am STILL sick. Well shit! Pardon the pun. I suppose it could be coincidence and not related to the water at all.
So I have just three days left, including today, before internship begins! I thought I drove the last piece of paperwork up yesterday, but then they gave me yet another form to fill out which had been left out of the packet. The attitude seemed to be that this was my fault somehow. Now how can I know what forms they forget to include in my packet? Sheesh. The other intern didn't have it either, so at least we're unified. Thankfully these aren't the people we'll work with, rather the personnel admin people. I hear they are short staffed and grumpy. No kidding! I'll just be immensely relieved when all the administrative stuff is done. Besides being overwhelming, it's really repetitive too. So inefficient...
Today is a beautiful day so I'm going to try to drink lots of BOTTLED water and go to the beach later if I feel even halfway up to it. I can sit there just as well as I can sit here, and it will be a nice change. I used to go running on the beach all the time. I sure miss that!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
New Culture, New Faux Pas?
I read on Didi's post her comment about blocking her ex from her FaceBook account and how big a step that was. I'm having some of the same feelings about FB, though I don't have anyone really harassing me or anything. I just have a hell of a time saying no to people who make friend requests when I know I'm going to continue seeing them on everyone else's walls. There's been this huge rush of friends from grade school through high school on there and of course the wave spreads fast. I now have a woman whom I barely knew in High School asking me to accept her 'best friend' application and yammering endlessly at me, pressing me for info about myself and other friends who are not on FB. I am now remembering that she was a little on the gluey side all those years ago, but glommed onto a friend of mine, not me.
Then there is the Close Relative with whom I have a strained relationship, but he's part of my family and THEY are all on there, so what would happen if I blocked this person?
And then there is the ex-boss who I may still hit up for recommendations but do not work for her and felt weird right from the start accepting her as a friend... but what do you do in that case?
I've learned to block applications and that makes life sane over there, but I'm really wanting to prune down my friends list too. Is there an etiquette book somewhere about this. Maybe an 'ask so and so" column?
Then there is the Close Relative with whom I have a strained relationship, but he's part of my family and THEY are all on there, so what would happen if I blocked this person?
And then there is the ex-boss who I may still hit up for recommendations but do not work for her and felt weird right from the start accepting her as a friend... but what do you do in that case?
I've learned to block applications and that makes life sane over there, but I'm really wanting to prune down my friends list too. Is there an etiquette book somewhere about this. Maybe an 'ask so and so" column?
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Up Up and Away!
What a delightful weekend I've had! Went out to see my friends and had just a fantastic visit. The friend I was visiting, B, got married in SF last year. He and his partner, J, just celebrated their first anniversary as a married couple. The First Lady of the state called them at their reception to congratulate them for being the FIRST married couple in Wyoming! As far as they know they are the only one, to boot. Wyoming shortly thereafter made an effort to ban the recognition of gay marriages from other states but the measure fell flat. When B's mom wrote to the governor of the state to protest the bill the Governor let them know where he would be weighing in and said, "Say hi to B & J for me!" It was so cool.
B has been very ill and a couple of months ago was airlifted to SLC for emergency medical services. J was terrified that in Utah their marriage wouldn't be recognized and that he wouldn't be allowed to stay with B. B was given about a 15% chance to live and his family was all out of state and unable to get there immediately at the time. As it turned out J was treated with the utmost respect. The moment he arrived the primary doctor said, "I understand you're B's husband" and J was encouraged to stay with B throughout the crisis. His being a nurse was helpful too, but he said the warm welcome and level of respect he got in the heart of the Mormon empire was breathtaking! He also said that many of the people there expressed upset and anger at their church for it's heavy handed influence in the California decision to keep the restrictive definition of marriage in the constitutional language.
In the little town where they live in Wyoming they were also pleasantly surprised to be welcomed heartily by the old timers of the town and congratulated. I'm relieved to know that Wyoming is still very much the Equality State.
Just before I left for the trip I attended a luncheon at my new internship. It was primarily to send off the two exiting interns, but also to welcome the two new ones. I'm now very excited about starting! Everyone was really nice, and we had great discussions about our various dissertation topics. It looks like I'll be getting the 9 month DBT group assignment, which is more work intensive than the other option (long established transgender process group) but more practical for my particular focus. The other intern is not specifically forensic. It's not clear yet who will start in which rotation, but I did meet my future supervisor for the assessment rotation and she's stoked that I'm heavily into testing. I'm still bummed that the Administrative Segregation (Ad Seg) rotation is no longer on the table. The supervisor got some sort of a federal grant and had to devote all her time to that instead of supervising interns. Still I think this is going to be a great site!
On the 31st we two interns will ride up to the city where the university that runs the consortium resides. We're going to carpool with one of the exiting interns, so we'll get 5 hours during the round trip there and back to pick his brain. We interns have now officially been taking off the layoff list and our training director said she is reasonably assured that we WILL be paid. JOY! We're up to three days of furlough now though, and may get one more still. That will be a 20% pay cut, but still is a far cry better than no pay. My fellow intern and I agreed we'd just figure this was built in dissertation time...
B has been very ill and a couple of months ago was airlifted to SLC for emergency medical services. J was terrified that in Utah their marriage wouldn't be recognized and that he wouldn't be allowed to stay with B. B was given about a 15% chance to live and his family was all out of state and unable to get there immediately at the time. As it turned out J was treated with the utmost respect. The moment he arrived the primary doctor said, "I understand you're B's husband" and J was encouraged to stay with B throughout the crisis. His being a nurse was helpful too, but he said the warm welcome and level of respect he got in the heart of the Mormon empire was breathtaking! He also said that many of the people there expressed upset and anger at their church for it's heavy handed influence in the California decision to keep the restrictive definition of marriage in the constitutional language.
In the little town where they live in Wyoming they were also pleasantly surprised to be welcomed heartily by the old timers of the town and congratulated. I'm relieved to know that Wyoming is still very much the Equality State.
Just before I left for the trip I attended a luncheon at my new internship. It was primarily to send off the two exiting interns, but also to welcome the two new ones. I'm now very excited about starting! Everyone was really nice, and we had great discussions about our various dissertation topics. It looks like I'll be getting the 9 month DBT group assignment, which is more work intensive than the other option (long established transgender process group) but more practical for my particular focus. The other intern is not specifically forensic. It's not clear yet who will start in which rotation, but I did meet my future supervisor for the assessment rotation and she's stoked that I'm heavily into testing. I'm still bummed that the Administrative Segregation (Ad Seg) rotation is no longer on the table. The supervisor got some sort of a federal grant and had to devote all her time to that instead of supervising interns. Still I think this is going to be a great site!
On the 31st we two interns will ride up to the city where the university that runs the consortium resides. We're going to carpool with one of the exiting interns, so we'll get 5 hours during the round trip there and back to pick his brain. We interns have now officially been taking off the layoff list and our training director said she is reasonably assured that we WILL be paid. JOY! We're up to three days of furlough now though, and may get one more still. That will be a 20% pay cut, but still is a far cry better than no pay. My fellow intern and I agreed we'd just figure this was built in dissertation time...
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
A Trip to Somewhere!
Well really it's nowhere in the most dramatic way, but one of my best friends in the world still lives in the Wyoming town where I mostly grew up so I'm off to visit him Thursday afternoon. Another really good friend who hung out with us is also coming... all the way from the Deep South, so we'll meet in the Big City in UT, and drive on to BFE to visit our friend in WY. He is going on a wait list for a liver the end of the month, but seems to be doing well for now and is even working again after a few near death experiences. So many wake up calls of late with him and then my mom... I'm trying to update all my relationships with my little extra summer time and be sure that if anything happens to anyone I won't have any unfinished business floating around. It's a better way to be, I think, if it can be managed.
Mom has a followup with her doc tomorrow, so shall likely hear if there is going to be another surgery. I'm reasonably sure there will be and the idea is both scary and frustrating. Of course the scary part is the 'right' emotion to have, since it's about Mom. The other is about the endless line of life altering events that seems to be bent on preventing me from having any serious blocks of time to do my diss, or as my other half refers to it; my fecis. LOL! There ARE some days it feels like an enormous pile of shit. Oh well, Mom and my friend come first and let the chips fall where they may!
Have been conversing with my Training Director at the internship about preferred groups and types of experiences I am interested in as they customize the plan to each intern's needs. It's kinda scary and kind of exciting... it's REAL, wow! I have a gazillion appointments to get drug tested, TB tested, have a physical, have background checks done and so forth. It is such an enormous effort to get into this line of work! But in all of this there has been no mention of loss of funding, so I'm feeling pretty good about that (pauses to pound on wooden table). I don't regret all the hours at Juvenile Hall though, because our future is so uncertain it really helps keep the anxiety level down to have some money in the bank.
Had a horrific experience at my work this week. One of the kids we'd been seeing for a couple of years was released on probation a while ago and in short order committed a couple of violent crimes. I am vastly relieved nobody was killed but upset that it happened at all. Sadly it wasn't surprising; I think this person's window for therapeutic success closed long before we ever met, but there is still a sickening sense of responsibility here. Did we make any difference at all in those two years? How can we know? It's so very surreal though, to see the person on the online version of the local newspaper and read the comments after the article...comments along the lines that this person shouldn't be allowed to live and so forth. Those sorts of things are always disturbing, but to actually know the person they are discussing is just downright freaky!
Mom has a followup with her doc tomorrow, so shall likely hear if there is going to be another surgery. I'm reasonably sure there will be and the idea is both scary and frustrating. Of course the scary part is the 'right' emotion to have, since it's about Mom. The other is about the endless line of life altering events that seems to be bent on preventing me from having any serious blocks of time to do my diss, or as my other half refers to it; my fecis. LOL! There ARE some days it feels like an enormous pile of shit. Oh well, Mom and my friend come first and let the chips fall where they may!
Have been conversing with my Training Director at the internship about preferred groups and types of experiences I am interested in as they customize the plan to each intern's needs. It's kinda scary and kind of exciting... it's REAL, wow! I have a gazillion appointments to get drug tested, TB tested, have a physical, have background checks done and so forth. It is such an enormous effort to get into this line of work! But in all of this there has been no mention of loss of funding, so I'm feeling pretty good about that (pauses to pound on wooden table). I don't regret all the hours at Juvenile Hall though, because our future is so uncertain it really helps keep the anxiety level down to have some money in the bank.
Had a horrific experience at my work this week. One of the kids we'd been seeing for a couple of years was released on probation a while ago and in short order committed a couple of violent crimes. I am vastly relieved nobody was killed but upset that it happened at all. Sadly it wasn't surprising; I think this person's window for therapeutic success closed long before we ever met, but there is still a sickening sense of responsibility here. Did we make any difference at all in those two years? How can we know? It's so very surreal though, to see the person on the online version of the local newspaper and read the comments after the article...comments along the lines that this person shouldn't be allowed to live and so forth. Those sorts of things are always disturbing, but to actually know the person they are discussing is just downright freaky!
Friday, July 10, 2009
Setbacks
Well I've made some really good progress on my dissertation. Long way to go but it feels SOOOO good to be racking up the hours and adding pages. I have plans to see a critically ill friend in another state next week right after a luncheon at the prison for the other intern and me. Our orientation for the consortium is on the 31st, but this is just for our local site. So I was going along happily, preparing to meet some friends for breakfast yesterday when I got The Call. Or at least we thought it might be The Call, but in the end it seems we got a reprieve.
My dad called my sister to tell her that he awoke to the bed shaking and discovered my mom having what looked like a grand mal seizure, but her skin was ashen and her lips were blue, one side of her face was sagging and her breathing was hoarse and erratic. He called 911 and then my sis, L. He thought she was having a massive stroke and was sure this was the End.
L called me and then we waited for close to an hour to find out if Mom was still with us and if so in what condition. When he finally called she was sitting up, talking and had good grip with both hands. So far she's had a CT scan and echo cardiogram and today she's scheduled for an MRI. The only thing that's show up so far is that her vesicles are enlarged, which is a result of her old age hydrocephaly that she had surgery for 6 years ago. They didn't put in a drain and my dad has been resistant to the surgery due to the risks of general anesthesia at her age. It's likely the pressure from the fluid buildup caused a seizure. Anyway this morning she was chipper and seemed her normal self. Last night she got up with all sorts of things attached to her and hauled them along behind her to the bathroom rather than waiting for a bedpan and this morning she tore out her IV. Sigh... this is good though, as it's her normal, uncooperative self. She's had memory problems for ages and they seem about the same, not worse, so hopefully she didn't lose any ground...
I certainly lost ground though. Yesterday was a complete wash and today hasn't been much better. Going to try to get back on track this afternoon with a few hours work. All the calls have been made to friends and relatives now but I'm still not very focused. I'm still recovering from being told this is IT, this is The Call we've been dreading, spending an hour thinking my mother might be dead, and then having it all go away again. Whew! Little hard on the system, that.
Oh, and then there was the cutoff brother in law who e-mailed me to say how much he has enjoyed exchanging e-mails this past year, but how he will never be in the same room with my parents or speak to them again and probably that was going to apply to L and me too, but do keep e-mailing by all means. Oh but don't worry I won't keep your sister, K, from interacting with you. Wow... nice timing!
My dad called my sister to tell her that he awoke to the bed shaking and discovered my mom having what looked like a grand mal seizure, but her skin was ashen and her lips were blue, one side of her face was sagging and her breathing was hoarse and erratic. He called 911 and then my sis, L. He thought she was having a massive stroke and was sure this was the End.
L called me and then we waited for close to an hour to find out if Mom was still with us and if so in what condition. When he finally called she was sitting up, talking and had good grip with both hands. So far she's had a CT scan and echo cardiogram and today she's scheduled for an MRI. The only thing that's show up so far is that her vesicles are enlarged, which is a result of her old age hydrocephaly that she had surgery for 6 years ago. They didn't put in a drain and my dad has been resistant to the surgery due to the risks of general anesthesia at her age. It's likely the pressure from the fluid buildup caused a seizure. Anyway this morning she was chipper and seemed her normal self. Last night she got up with all sorts of things attached to her and hauled them along behind her to the bathroom rather than waiting for a bedpan and this morning she tore out her IV. Sigh... this is good though, as it's her normal, uncooperative self. She's had memory problems for ages and they seem about the same, not worse, so hopefully she didn't lose any ground...
I certainly lost ground though. Yesterday was a complete wash and today hasn't been much better. Going to try to get back on track this afternoon with a few hours work. All the calls have been made to friends and relatives now but I'm still not very focused. I'm still recovering from being told this is IT, this is The Call we've been dreading, spending an hour thinking my mother might be dead, and then having it all go away again. Whew! Little hard on the system, that.
Oh, and then there was the cutoff brother in law who e-mailed me to say how much he has enjoyed exchanging e-mails this past year, but how he will never be in the same room with my parents or speak to them again and probably that was going to apply to L and me too, but do keep e-mailing by all means. Oh but don't worry I won't keep your sister, K, from interacting with you. Wow... nice timing!
Friday, July 03, 2009
The Real Deal
FINALLY I am on my summer break. I did two full time weeks at Juvenile Hall and one day a week of practicum for the first three weeks of my break. So now that's done. I just have random days at the hall here and there and one last session at my practicum Monday. So this is IT! It's only a month, but I'll take it!
Absolutely gorgeous weather today so the holiday weekend will be lovely. Sadly it's hot as hell inland so we'll have fog tomorrow night for fireworks. We usually do though, and while I love the light show I hate big crowds so we'll just celebrate with our neighbors and a nice BBQ.
Absolutely gorgeous weather today so the holiday weekend will be lovely. Sadly it's hot as hell inland so we'll have fog tomorrow night for fireworks. We usually do though, and while I love the light show I hate big crowds so we'll just celebrate with our neighbors and a nice BBQ.
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