I am visiting my parents this week, as it is my mother's 84th birthday tomorrow. This morning there was a message on my voice mail that had come in yesterday and taken awhile to register on my phone. I was suprised to see it was the counseling center where I did my Masters practicum and they said the call was urgent. That seemed odd since I just wrapped up my last case a week ago and had nothing pending except an upcoming doctoral practicum at the same site, but why would that be urgent?
So I called... and oh how I wish I could fix time a moment before that phone call. They told me my supervisor died. Even after a day to let it trickle in I still can't get my mind around it. I spoke to her just a week ago and intended to call her Tuesday to tell her how my last session went and set up a time to fill out the last of my paperwork. She'd just filled out this enormous (19 pages!) baseline evaluation for me as a requirement to qualify for a doctoral practicum and gave me an outstanding eval. It just can't be real that she's ceased to exist, just like that. **Poof!**
At this point noone knows what she died of. She didn't show up for her clinical committee meeting Monday and then missed two client appointments and didn't answer her phone. The agency didn't have her physical address on file, just a PO box, but one of the other therapists who is a friend of hers went over to her house... and found her. Can you imagine being the one to find your friend? I know shewould have liked that it was this person who went to her, but what a horrible shock.
My supervisor was an LCSW and I think she was nearing 80 years old. She was very active, sharp and had a wonderful, ascerbic wit. The kind of dry wit that goes over most heads and a gruff demeanor that made some afraid of her. I found her blunt, but wonderfully warm and a fount of wisdom. We spent many hours talking theory and philosophy, politics and newly read books. She kept up on new theory and was able to supervise from experience in nearly any theoretical model her supervisees were trying, but her primary orientation was psychodynamic, with lots of Transactional Analysis. I liked most about her that she never told us what to do, she asked what we were doing, what we would like to do, and then would offer ideas, but only as suggestions, never as orders. She was firm in her stance that we needed to develop our own styles and unless she thought harm would come, she never interfered with our therapy, only guided.
I feel so very fortunate to have encountered her and had the opportunity to be her pupil and her friend. I'm glad whatever took her was quick and she was busy and happy right up to the end.
I don't like that she's gone though. As a matter of fact, I still can't really even grock the concept.
RIP J... you will be sorely missed.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Shh, don't tell anyone...
I have spent most of the past two days in a sunny spot reading... wait for it... a NOVEL!!! Like you know, the kind they write for regular people who aren't spending 23 hours a day researching their dissertations. Wow, what a trip. Hee hee! When I wasn't reading I was napping and once I even went for a walk. HA!
There's just a hint of guilt stirred in though, as my Cognative Assessment paper has to be 'firmed up' and turned in by Friday. No biggie as I was essentially done this past Friday, but the prof made a few comments about how it could be improved and I also found out that all 'final papers' and 'final projects' are going in an "APA" file with the school. I'm not sure if this is part of accreditation or if they have decided to help us create the portfolio they've encouraged us to keep for competing well when it's time to obtain those APA predoctoral internships. I suspect it is the former, but whichever it is I damned well want whatever goes in there to be the best I can do!
The university where I did my masters finally managed to get the mysterious 'program ccertification' form filled out for me so my MFT Intern application packet is at last complete and will go out in tomorrow's mail. I'll lose all the hours I've done since I graduated though, because it has been more than 90 days since my degree was conferred. Grr... Oh well, I got the experience and without the personal therapy I've been doing I'd probably be in a padded cell, so all that time and money wasn't wasted, though it could have been better utilized!
Thursday I'm off to visit my mom and do a battery of cognitive tests on her as a school project. There is no way in hell either of my parents would go to someone with the word "psychologist" or therapist in their name, so this is the only way I can think of to get my mom the testing she needs to make her a custom mental rehab package for her dementia. I am officially doing an early neuropsych project on testing and treating dementia. My prof and I together will do the scoring and put the exersises together. I'm looking forward to learning a ton and may well make this a part of my 'package' of specializations when I'm done. I hope it will help my mom. She's seeing a new neurologist, who is supposed to be really good, but I am very dissapointed to see that there is no neuropsychologist on his team. This is so common... the idea that brain imaging is sufficient to tell the whole story. What about function people? Drugs and surgery are only a part of the puzzle when it comes to neuro and synaptogenesis! I get so very weary of the whole seperatist "OUR WAY RULZ!" attitude. Where is all the cross disciplinary, cooperative tech I read about all over the place?
Anyhoo, I am quite certain the trip will be traumatic, seeing as we are still doing emotional battle with my dad and his refusal to face reality and take proper care of my mom, so I am taking along my little Gus to help me out. Gus is my Senegal parrot and besides being good for Mom, since she adores him, he will make a nice travelling companion. He has quite the vocabulary and keeps up a running patter, "What's THAT?? Oh dear, big truck! C'mere and step up. Did you hear me? I said come over here RIGHT NOW. Gimme a kiss -big smooch sound- THANK YOU!!! What does the cat say? Meeee Owwww. Don't kiss the cat. STIIIIINKY cat. Why are you screaming? I'm pretty. Pretty pretty pretty STINKY bird! Knock knock, treat time!" and so forth and so on ad nauseum. LOL!
My sister will be there too, and we are going to stay together somewhere; either at her friends' house or in a hotel. In a way I'm glad my dad is being difficult about the house cleaners because it means we have an excuse to get away every night and regroup.
So next week is really the beginning of my break, but still and all it's nice not to have the old 'what am I not doing that I should be' feeling all the time.
Can't wait till all the rest of you are out and I can read about fun break activities for a little while. Even doing nothing is such a lovely thing when you're in school, isn't it?
There's just a hint of guilt stirred in though, as my Cognative Assessment paper has to be 'firmed up' and turned in by Friday. No biggie as I was essentially done this past Friday, but the prof made a few comments about how it could be improved and I also found out that all 'final papers' and 'final projects' are going in an "APA" file with the school. I'm not sure if this is part of accreditation or if they have decided to help us create the portfolio they've encouraged us to keep for competing well when it's time to obtain those APA predoctoral internships. I suspect it is the former, but whichever it is I damned well want whatever goes in there to be the best I can do!
The university where I did my masters finally managed to get the mysterious 'program ccertification' form filled out for me so my MFT Intern application packet is at last complete and will go out in tomorrow's mail. I'll lose all the hours I've done since I graduated though, because it has been more than 90 days since my degree was conferred. Grr... Oh well, I got the experience and without the personal therapy I've been doing I'd probably be in a padded cell, so all that time and money wasn't wasted, though it could have been better utilized!
Thursday I'm off to visit my mom and do a battery of cognitive tests on her as a school project. There is no way in hell either of my parents would go to someone with the word "psychologist" or therapist in their name, so this is the only way I can think of to get my mom the testing she needs to make her a custom mental rehab package for her dementia. I am officially doing an early neuropsych project on testing and treating dementia. My prof and I together will do the scoring and put the exersises together. I'm looking forward to learning a ton and may well make this a part of my 'package' of specializations when I'm done. I hope it will help my mom. She's seeing a new neurologist, who is supposed to be really good, but I am very dissapointed to see that there is no neuropsychologist on his team. This is so common... the idea that brain imaging is sufficient to tell the whole story. What about function people? Drugs and surgery are only a part of the puzzle when it comes to neuro and synaptogenesis! I get so very weary of the whole seperatist "OUR WAY RULZ!" attitude. Where is all the cross disciplinary, cooperative tech I read about all over the place?
Anyhoo, I am quite certain the trip will be traumatic, seeing as we are still doing emotional battle with my dad and his refusal to face reality and take proper care of my mom, so I am taking along my little Gus to help me out. Gus is my Senegal parrot and besides being good for Mom, since she adores him, he will make a nice travelling companion. He has quite the vocabulary and keeps up a running patter, "What's THAT?? Oh dear, big truck! C'mere and step up. Did you hear me? I said come over here RIGHT NOW. Gimme a kiss -big smooch sound- THANK YOU!!! What does the cat say? Meeee Owwww. Don't kiss the cat. STIIIIINKY cat. Why are you screaming? I'm pretty. Pretty pretty pretty STINKY bird! Knock knock, treat time!" and so forth and so on ad nauseum. LOL!
My sister will be there too, and we are going to stay together somewhere; either at her friends' house or in a hotel. In a way I'm glad my dad is being difficult about the house cleaners because it means we have an excuse to get away every night and regroup.
So next week is really the beginning of my break, but still and all it's nice not to have the old 'what am I not doing that I should be' feeling all the time.
Can't wait till all the rest of you are out and I can read about fun break activities for a little while. Even doing nothing is such a lovely thing when you're in school, isn't it?
Friday, March 09, 2007
What the heck did I DO???
My Karma is really fucking bad. Ok, it could be worse, I admit, but still and all, this is the pits! Got myself to school on Thursday and got my Concept paper turned in. Managed to stay awake through the rest of the class and then tweaked my Ethics Policies and Procedures Manual on the dinner break and got that turned in. He gave this test though... first he'd said there would be a little quiz at the end of the class that if we couldn't get them all right it was very bad news; total no brainer basics. Then later he said no quiz or test at all. Then last week he said it would be a short, simple, one hour test and would be open books, notes and computer (with internet). I put all my stuff in order and showed up. HOLY SHIT!!! It took nearly three hours and while it would have been a great take home test and was fair as a doctoral level event, he gave us NO warning to prepare for anything like that! Plus, this university doesn't GIVE tests; essays, projects, presentations and so on, but not traditional exams. It's the first time this guy has taught there and I guess he didn't get the news.
So I left the school exhausted and stunned. As always I gave one of my classmates a ride to her hotel and on the way there managed to blow right through a red light and get my car hit. SHIT! Everyone was ok and it turned out that we just scraped bumpers, though it felt like I'd been broadsided. The poor girl who hit me was very young and was sobbing that her father was going to kill her. She kept apologizing to me. Um... honey I blew through the light, it's my fault, why are you apologizing and why on earth would your dad be angry with you? Her reply was, "you don't know my father" Oh man, as if I didn't feel badly enough for the accident to begin with! My classmate didn't register the red light until we were halfway through the intersection either.
When I got home today there were messages from the insurace company, so her father filed a claim instead of calling me and giving me the option to pay cash. He hasn't even seen the car yet. Sheesh! Hers will probably just buff right out and there are no dents, no chips, no broken lights, nada. So really we were all very fortunate, but I just did NOT need one more sraw on my stack right now.
DH was very down when I got home and didn't take the news well.
At least I'm home now and school is over, so I can crawl under the covers and sleep for two days.
So I left the school exhausted and stunned. As always I gave one of my classmates a ride to her hotel and on the way there managed to blow right through a red light and get my car hit. SHIT! Everyone was ok and it turned out that we just scraped bumpers, though it felt like I'd been broadsided. The poor girl who hit me was very young and was sobbing that her father was going to kill her. She kept apologizing to me. Um... honey I blew through the light, it's my fault, why are you apologizing and why on earth would your dad be angry with you? Her reply was, "you don't know my father" Oh man, as if I didn't feel badly enough for the accident to begin with! My classmate didn't register the red light until we were halfway through the intersection either.
When I got home today there were messages from the insurace company, so her father filed a claim instead of calling me and giving me the option to pay cash. He hasn't even seen the car yet. Sheesh! Hers will probably just buff right out and there are no dents, no chips, no broken lights, nada. So really we were all very fortunate, but I just did NOT need one more sraw on my stack right now.
DH was very down when I got home and didn't take the news well.
At least I'm home now and school is over, so I can crawl under the covers and sleep for two days.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Can you spell H-I-S-T-R-I-O-N-I-C-S?
Egads, what a day! Somebody wish me a happy 50th because I am certain I aged ten years today.
First off my DH was offered the job he was interested in, but the salary was fully 1/3 of what he has been making withOUT a degree for the past decade! This is the only job that's come along that he has been remotely interested in and it requires an engineering degree for crimeny sakes. Only here does this sort of thing happen. They offer less than a living wage for a Computer Engineering position to someone with 15 years of programming experience. Amazing.
Being the well balanced, reasonable person he is he came home and proceeded to bounce of every wall and piece of furniture in a fit of peak. He'll be bruised tomorrow, you can count on it. Living with a depressive isn't alot of fun sometimes. I proceeded to take a two hour chunk out of the middle of my 'down to the wire' last day to work on my final assignments (3 papers and a big hairy manual due tomorrow) to stabilize him. I swear one of these days I'll trump him and shoot myself before he can threaten his own shit. He's been good for years now, promising he'd never do such a thing to the people he loves, but after 20 years I know perfectly well what's in his head and it scares the living hell out of me. Unlike my father, he doesn't use it for attention and the less he hints at it the more frightened I get.
So he'd come out and apologized for dropping a bomb in the middle of my day and I was just getting my head back into a concept paper for my reasearch class when my sister called. She has been doing everything in her power to keep my parents in their own home, despite their stubborn refusal to face reality and hire some inhome care staff or move to a place that offers assisted living. One of the most critical elements is housecleaning; they have to have this or the shit is going to hit the fan (pardonthe pun) and all their autonomy is going to go bye bye very soon. Dad just turned away the Merry Maids crew today after they drove 35 miles in heavy traffic to get to him, because he 'wasn't ready for them.' Uh huh. Well we had to go with someone this far away because he already fired the one local company we had set up.
So my sister blew up and told him neither she nor I would stay in their house again, but would get a hotel whenever we visited unless he kept housekeepers. This is something I declared a year ago, and I have not stayed in their house since, so it was easy enough for me to go along with. Problem is that my father is a little heavy on drama queen traits and he also went off the deep end. You know, it's just not fair to have TWO loved ones threatening the worst on any day, but the last day of finals week? GIMME A BREAK PEOPLE!!!
Screw it, he's 78 years old and he has yet to make good on his threats, so I'm going to bed.
Somehow, miraculously, I got all my papers done and just have that worthless ethics manul left. I don't have to leave until noon tomorrow so I'll face it in the morning after I am packed and have my pets prepped for my absence (my cockatiels are a pain in the ass, so they camp out on the back porch every week when I am at school to minimize personality conflicts). Mind you nothing I wrote was even remotely near my normal standard of work, but I filled the requisite number of pages and at some point you just have to cut your losses, you know?
Gah!
I hope everyone else is having a smoother ride into finals...
Lynn
First off my DH was offered the job he was interested in, but the salary was fully 1/3 of what he has been making withOUT a degree for the past decade! This is the only job that's come along that he has been remotely interested in and it requires an engineering degree for crimeny sakes. Only here does this sort of thing happen. They offer less than a living wage for a Computer Engineering position to someone with 15 years of programming experience. Amazing.
Being the well balanced, reasonable person he is he came home and proceeded to bounce of every wall and piece of furniture in a fit of peak. He'll be bruised tomorrow, you can count on it. Living with a depressive isn't alot of fun sometimes. I proceeded to take a two hour chunk out of the middle of my 'down to the wire' last day to work on my final assignments (3 papers and a big hairy manual due tomorrow) to stabilize him. I swear one of these days I'll trump him and shoot myself before he can threaten his own shit. He's been good for years now, promising he'd never do such a thing to the people he loves, but after 20 years I know perfectly well what's in his head and it scares the living hell out of me. Unlike my father, he doesn't use it for attention and the less he hints at it the more frightened I get.
So he'd come out and apologized for dropping a bomb in the middle of my day and I was just getting my head back into a concept paper for my reasearch class when my sister called. She has been doing everything in her power to keep my parents in their own home, despite their stubborn refusal to face reality and hire some inhome care staff or move to a place that offers assisted living. One of the most critical elements is housecleaning; they have to have this or the shit is going to hit the fan (pardonthe pun) and all their autonomy is going to go bye bye very soon. Dad just turned away the Merry Maids crew today after they drove 35 miles in heavy traffic to get to him, because he 'wasn't ready for them.' Uh huh. Well we had to go with someone this far away because he already fired the one local company we had set up.
So my sister blew up and told him neither she nor I would stay in their house again, but would get a hotel whenever we visited unless he kept housekeepers. This is something I declared a year ago, and I have not stayed in their house since, so it was easy enough for me to go along with. Problem is that my father is a little heavy on drama queen traits and he also went off the deep end. You know, it's just not fair to have TWO loved ones threatening the worst on any day, but the last day of finals week? GIMME A BREAK PEOPLE!!!
Screw it, he's 78 years old and he has yet to make good on his threats, so I'm going to bed.
Somehow, miraculously, I got all my papers done and just have that worthless ethics manul left. I don't have to leave until noon tomorrow so I'll face it in the morning after I am packed and have my pets prepped for my absence (my cockatiels are a pain in the ass, so they camp out on the back porch every week when I am at school to minimize personality conflicts). Mind you nothing I wrote was even remotely near my normal standard of work, but I filled the requisite number of pages and at some point you just have to cut your losses, you know?
Gah!
I hope everyone else is having a smoother ride into finals...
Lynn
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