Abusive as it was to so many people I love, 2008 dealt me a nice going away present.
MY STATE ID CAME TODAY!!!!!
Whew!
Let us praise the State. O State,...
...ooh, You are so big,...
...so absolutely huge.
Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You.
O State please don't burn us,
don't grill or toast your flock.
Don't put us on the barbecue,
or simmer us in stock.
Don't braise or bake or boil us
or stir fry us in a wok.
Oh please don't lightly poach us
or baste us with hot fat.
Don't fricassee or roast us
or boil us in a vat,
and please don't stick thy servant, State
in a Rotissomat.
May each of you have as happy an ending and a great 2009!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Feeling up for a change!
FINALLY feeling better and beginning to recharge. I've been getting lots of outdoor time, which always helps me a bunch; outdoors and sunshine. Since the nasty panic attack I've had no indigestion at all and have been sleeping through the night consistently. A combo of the GERD meds and at least partial resolution to the DMV debacle. Have decided to let go and see how the ID thing turns out without making 800 alternative plans instead of sleeping at night. Yesterday the local place that I care about the very most said that I can use my old passport with my temporary driver's license to get into the facility, so I'm hugely relieved. I interview with them next Thursday.
I've made myself a routine of prepping one class per day for my teaching position, and if I come anywhere near that goal I'll have all that work done before the three ring (week) circus of interview/school/teach/work/practicum begins next week. I have two done and school starts next Thursday... oh, yup, I'll miss the first day of at least two classes for this interview. Will miss two weeks of school too. Oh well! normally that is an automatic fail, but they will work with me since it's for internships.
AR is just the best. He's been picking up the load at home in a huge way, giving back rubs, cuddles and couch time as often as I need it. He's excited about the prospect of moving if we have to, so that's an enormous chunk of angst that just isn't happening. He's also surfing the ipod app road to gold by designing ipod game apps right and left so he's super happy and making money, which in turn makes him more resilient.
Tripped, ate some serious dirt and gravel, but am climbing back up and dusting myself off!
Today my supervisor took me to lunch and asked advice about his upcoming ethics class he's teaching (I had it my first year and the teacher was no great shakes, thus it got lobbed unexpectedly into his court this year). It was nice to give a little 'supervision' for a change, and just to chat about general professional issues instead of cramming three or four difficult cases into an hour's time. Thankfully all those cases have taken the holidays off, so I have a break there too.
LIGHT! There is LIGHT at the end of the tunnel at last! I'm going to be done with coursework in two terms... holy cow.
Tomorrow is breakfast with a friend and a walk on one of my favorite beaches with AR... fancy coffee to follow and late afternoon class prep before dinner and a movie. Ahh...
I've made myself a routine of prepping one class per day for my teaching position, and if I come anywhere near that goal I'll have all that work done before the three ring (week) circus of interview/school/teach/work/practicum begins next week. I have two done and school starts next Thursday... oh, yup, I'll miss the first day of at least two classes for this interview. Will miss two weeks of school too. Oh well! normally that is an automatic fail, but they will work with me since it's for internships.
AR is just the best. He's been picking up the load at home in a huge way, giving back rubs, cuddles and couch time as often as I need it. He's excited about the prospect of moving if we have to, so that's an enormous chunk of angst that just isn't happening. He's also surfing the ipod app road to gold by designing ipod game apps right and left so he's super happy and making money, which in turn makes him more resilient.
Tripped, ate some serious dirt and gravel, but am climbing back up and dusting myself off!
Today my supervisor took me to lunch and asked advice about his upcoming ethics class he's teaching (I had it my first year and the teacher was no great shakes, thus it got lobbed unexpectedly into his court this year). It was nice to give a little 'supervision' for a change, and just to chat about general professional issues instead of cramming three or four difficult cases into an hour's time. Thankfully all those cases have taken the holidays off, so I have a break there too.
LIGHT! There is LIGHT at the end of the tunnel at last! I'm going to be done with coursework in two terms... holy cow.
Tomorrow is breakfast with a friend and a walk on one of my favorite beaches with AR... fancy coffee to follow and late afternoon class prep before dinner and a movie. Ahh...
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Familiar Faces
Opened The Monitor this morning, the APA monthly mag, and discovered that one of my professors from the local university has a popular blog! So popular that she was rated in the top ten psych blogs this year. How fun!
But in addition to the interesting stuff, there was the same old lecturing on 'appropriate' blogging behavior. I understand the warnings out there, and how important they are, and how important it is to protect clients and refrain from putting erotic photos on a blog with my real name on it. Still, I get a little tired of being told how to behave, what not to write where, and constantly having to think about how my personal activities are or are not good for professional promotion. I suppose that's the inevitable effect of the internet, but sometimes I get frustrated with it.
That brings up thoughts about my Facebook account, too. I am working in forensics and therefore don't use my real name or 'traceable' contact info there, though by now all my school friends and profs know who I am. I know my home address can be found online all over the place as a result of years of online shopping, and a satellite map can pick out my cat sitting on my front porch. But at least that doesn't put a big red bullseye around all the people I care about the most in one fell swoop the way places like Facebook and MySpace can. Then I lament that I can't go and find all my childhood friends the way everyone else seems to be doing. I choose not to post pictures of myself either, just in case. So I miss out on a big chunk of the new culture, while worrying that I shouldn't even be partaking as much as I do.
Do other people in the psych field struggle with this too? Will we be plagued by prosecuting attorneys quoting from the blogs we thought were anonymous about our frustrations with professors, our opinions on mental health topics or the fact that we had panic attacks or episodes of depression during grad school? How will it affect my odds at tenure, should I go that route someday, that I once joked that I wanted to eat my birds for Thanksgiving dinner because they were too loud?
But in addition to the interesting stuff, there was the same old lecturing on 'appropriate' blogging behavior. I understand the warnings out there, and how important they are, and how important it is to protect clients and refrain from putting erotic photos on a blog with my real name on it. Still, I get a little tired of being told how to behave, what not to write where, and constantly having to think about how my personal activities are or are not good for professional promotion. I suppose that's the inevitable effect of the internet, but sometimes I get frustrated with it.
That brings up thoughts about my Facebook account, too. I am working in forensics and therefore don't use my real name or 'traceable' contact info there, though by now all my school friends and profs know who I am. I know my home address can be found online all over the place as a result of years of online shopping, and a satellite map can pick out my cat sitting on my front porch. But at least that doesn't put a big red bullseye around all the people I care about the most in one fell swoop the way places like Facebook and MySpace can. Then I lament that I can't go and find all my childhood friends the way everyone else seems to be doing. I choose not to post pictures of myself either, just in case. So I miss out on a big chunk of the new culture, while worrying that I shouldn't even be partaking as much as I do.
Do other people in the psych field struggle with this too? Will we be plagued by prosecuting attorneys quoting from the blogs we thought were anonymous about our frustrations with professors, our opinions on mental health topics or the fact that we had panic attacks or episodes of depression during grad school? How will it affect my odds at tenure, should I go that route someday, that I once joked that I wanted to eat my birds for Thanksgiving dinner because they were too loud?
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
So THAT's what a panic attack is like?
Just back from the hospital where I decided it was time to go to be sure all the burning in my chest, nausea, dizziness, upper back pain and difficulty breathing wasn't heart related. It was not, nor was it my Gall bladder, though I didn't know that could cause similar symptoms. They did blood tests, two ekgs and a chest X-ray... and oh yes, threw in a pregnancy test for shits and giggles. The official diagnosis was GERD, but I suspect it was actually GERD with a panic attack on top. A number of stress related maladies tend to happen after the stressful event is over and not during as most people think. I'd been having what felt kind of like heartburn all night for a week or more and sometimes woke with my heart pounding, feeling dizzy and nauseated and with one or the other arm numb. When it happened in at 4:30 this afternoon while I was upright in the kitchen and hadn't eaten for hours, accompanied by blinding pain on one side of my chest, that was enough for me. So now when I lie awake at night with my chest on fire I can at least spare myself the hot and cold sweats of fear wondering if I'm going to die or if it's just indigestion.
Looking at my headings here and thinking how surreal this all is. Yesterday I posted about my wonderful, peaceful day and today I was in the hospital at the peak of terror. Odd, that.
Looking at my headings here and thinking how surreal this all is. Yesterday I posted about my wonderful, peaceful day and today I was in the hospital at the peak of terror. Odd, that.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Peace at Last
What a wonderful morning! Made breakfast for my love, played on Facebook and checked out friends there for a long time, then had a hot shower and curled up in bed with a book until I fell asleep. Now I'm in the living room with the sun flooding in, warming the chilly room and listening to this and that political video while I wrap packages. Just to have a single morning without anything hanging over my head is incredible.
I have lots to do and will get back to that tomorrow, but for now at least, I have one lovely day to do whatever I want, even if that's nothing at all. :)
I have lots to do and will get back to that tomorrow, but for now at least, I have one lovely day to do whatever I want, even if that's nothing at all. :)
Friday, December 19, 2008
Fiasco
I discovered that my driver's license was going to expire on my birthday during a phone call about a prison internship the day before my birthday. Mailed in for renewal and just today I got a letter from Sacramento saying Colorado is reporting that my driving privilege there is suspended or revoked in their state. I have to have a clearance letter from CO to get my license renewed and in 30 days my CA license will be canceled if its not cleared up. I haven't BEEN to Colorado in years and years... WTF???
So I called Colorado and after a 45 minute hold learned that a speeding ticket I got in New Mexico (Las Vegas, NM, I remember it ) in 1989 was reported to Colorado as unpaid. They say they sent me a letter to say they'd suspended my license in 1990 (obviously I didn't get it and was at the time in AZ), but then everything went into a national database in 2002 which is how it got picked up now. I paid the ticket, but at this point I have no record of that. I do clean house once in awhile!
I then called New Mexico and learned that they not only have no record of me ever having had any speeding tickets there, paid or unpaid, but the citation# CO gave me belongs to some man in Utah in 1991. They are faxing me a letter to that effect to send to CO.
So now I can send $95, proof of insurance and a form to CO and 20 business days after they get it they might reinstate my license... right over the Christmas and New Years holidays. Gah! Freaking out because I have an interview January 5th with a prison and I HAVE to have a valid license. They're all doing background checks on me and now suddenly I have some skeleton in my closet I knew nothing about? Oh man, this sucks so royally. :(
*************************************************************************************
UPDATE:
So today I went to the DMV and learned that there was no way I could get an extension until CO cleared my record. I applied for a state ID but after she took the picture the lady told me it would take up to 30 days for it to come. AKK! I left the DMV in tears, realizing that I couldn't go to work at the Hall for a month, which would probably mean losing my job, that AR would have to drive me everywhere, that I couldn't fly to my interviews and that my only hope was to have someone drive me to LA and try to get an expedited passport. On the way home I investigated getting a lawyer.
Once at home I called the CO DMV one more time to plead my case for expediting the clearance procedure, but the woman who answered the phone this time (after 1.25 hrs on hold) said I didn't need my driving privileges reinstated because I hadn't done anything wrong! She said she could see right on her screen that I'd already paid the NM ticket and she couldn't figure out why I ever had a hold on my license to begin with. Oh. My. God. So all of this was for naught! As I blubbered about losing my job, she cut me short with a cheery, "I'll just delete this and you're good to go!" and that was that. She then faxed me a copy of my cleared driving record, so tomorrow I can go back to the local DMV and get my license renewed, presumably with no fuss or muss.
What an insane frigging ride!
*************************************************************************************
Further UPDATE:
For Pete's sake! It's not over after all. The change wasn't in the computer and the blank-eyed public servant was not able to read the letter and do anything about the situation, so I came away with nothing but the suggestion that CO has to send the letter to CA and maybe CA fixes the computer thing so that my local DMV can do anything for me. I did discover that my existing, expired license is not my purse though, and not at the hospital ER. Shit... I can't remember for sure but I think I had to show it when I checked in there. If not could the DMV have taken it yesterday morning? I don't recall pulling it out for them, but then I don't recall many of the details from yesterday. So I'm back to fretting that I won't be able to get into the first two interviews because I have no photo ID, even if I get a temp license. Got to keep everything crossed that the State ID comes sooner than later. Oh man... there is NO END to this!!!
So I called Colorado and after a 45 minute hold learned that a speeding ticket I got in New Mexico (Las Vegas, NM, I remember it ) in 1989 was reported to Colorado as unpaid. They say they sent me a letter to say they'd suspended my license in 1990 (obviously I didn't get it and was at the time in AZ), but then everything went into a national database in 2002 which is how it got picked up now. I paid the ticket, but at this point I have no record of that. I do clean house once in awhile!
I then called New Mexico and learned that they not only have no record of me ever having had any speeding tickets there, paid or unpaid, but the citation# CO gave me belongs to some man in Utah in 1991. They are faxing me a letter to that effect to send to CO.
So now I can send $95, proof of insurance and a form to CO and 20 business days after they get it they might reinstate my license... right over the Christmas and New Years holidays. Gah! Freaking out because I have an interview January 5th with a prison and I HAVE to have a valid license. They're all doing background checks on me and now suddenly I have some skeleton in my closet I knew nothing about? Oh man, this sucks so royally. :(
*************************************************************************************
UPDATE:
So today I went to the DMV and learned that there was no way I could get an extension until CO cleared my record. I applied for a state ID but after she took the picture the lady told me it would take up to 30 days for it to come. AKK! I left the DMV in tears, realizing that I couldn't go to work at the Hall for a month, which would probably mean losing my job, that AR would have to drive me everywhere, that I couldn't fly to my interviews and that my only hope was to have someone drive me to LA and try to get an expedited passport. On the way home I investigated getting a lawyer.
Once at home I called the CO DMV one more time to plead my case for expediting the clearance procedure, but the woman who answered the phone this time (after 1.25 hrs on hold) said I didn't need my driving privileges reinstated because I hadn't done anything wrong! She said she could see right on her screen that I'd already paid the NM ticket and she couldn't figure out why I ever had a hold on my license to begin with. Oh. My. God. So all of this was for naught! As I blubbered about losing my job, she cut me short with a cheery, "I'll just delete this and you're good to go!" and that was that. She then faxed me a copy of my cleared driving record, so tomorrow I can go back to the local DMV and get my license renewed, presumably with no fuss or muss.
What an insane frigging ride!
*************************************************************************************
Further UPDATE:
For Pete's sake! It's not over after all. The change wasn't in the computer and the blank-eyed public servant was not able to read the letter and do anything about the situation, so I came away with nothing but the suggestion that CO has to send the letter to CA and maybe CA fixes the computer thing so that my local DMV can do anything for me. I did discover that my existing, expired license is not my purse though, and not at the hospital ER. Shit... I can't remember for sure but I think I had to show it when I checked in there. If not could the DMV have taken it yesterday morning? I don't recall pulling it out for them, but then I don't recall many of the details from yesterday. So I'm back to fretting that I won't be able to get into the first two interviews because I have no photo ID, even if I get a temp license. Got to keep everything crossed that the State ID comes sooner than later. Oh man... there is NO END to this!!!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Yeah Baby!
Got an interview at the other local place I wanted. I had two big ones on my list, the mental hospital and the prison. Just got the prison one. YES!!!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Cognitive Chaos
It's OVER!!! Woo hoo!
But let me tell you about the end of the week because it was so painful there was noting to do about it but laugh.
I had some testing to do Wed morning and much to my disgruntlement it turned into an all day affair at Juvenile Hall and I didn't get home until 5:30. I had this horrific final (brought to us by the maker of the horrific paper), a small paper and two presentations to prepare and was utterly spun that all my time got co-opted. Then when I got home I found a note in my e-mail from one of the internship sites saying they wanted to do a preliminary phone screening to decide who would be invited for final interviews. TOMORROW!!!
This was a specialty site for sexually violent offenders so that meant I needed to bone up on the topic, since I haven't worked with many sex offenders, and none of them adults. Blew my whole study plan and I ended up barely sleeping at all trying to get everything done. In the morning I packed up my stuff in a fog and drove away, only to realized I'd forgotten my crib notes for the interview, so drove back. AR was waving my little plastic lunch containers at me as I pulled in. Um... but I packed my lunch box, so what's in there? Turns out I packed the birds' food instead of my food for the trip. LOL!
The interview went well and she called me back half an hour later and offered me an on site interview. W00T! Got the horrific final taken (not a good feeling about the results) presentation done and paper finished somehow. Then discovered I'd forgotten my overnight bag and had to borrow all kinds of stuff from my landlady. Oy!
But let me tell you about the end of the week because it was so painful there was noting to do about it but laugh.
I had some testing to do Wed morning and much to my disgruntlement it turned into an all day affair at Juvenile Hall and I didn't get home until 5:30. I had this horrific final (brought to us by the maker of the horrific paper), a small paper and two presentations to prepare and was utterly spun that all my time got co-opted. Then when I got home I found a note in my e-mail from one of the internship sites saying they wanted to do a preliminary phone screening to decide who would be invited for final interviews. TOMORROW!!!
This was a specialty site for sexually violent offenders so that meant I needed to bone up on the topic, since I haven't worked with many sex offenders, and none of them adults. Blew my whole study plan and I ended up barely sleeping at all trying to get everything done. In the morning I packed up my stuff in a fog and drove away, only to realized I'd forgotten my crib notes for the interview, so drove back. AR was waving my little plastic lunch containers at me as I pulled in. Um... but I packed my lunch box, so what's in there? Turns out I packed the birds' food instead of my food for the trip. LOL!
The interview went well and she called me back half an hour later and offered me an on site interview. W00T! Got the horrific final taken (not a good feeling about the results) presentation done and paper finished somehow. Then discovered I'd forgotten my overnight bag and had to borrow all kinds of stuff from my landlady. Oy!
Monday, December 08, 2008
Double Your Money?
TWO interviews. Yippee!!! This one isn't in a geographically enjoyable spot, but it pays well and the cost of living is less than here. A women's prison. Hmm...
***** UPDATE *****
Got a request to do a preliminary phone interview with place in IL tomorrow or Friday as a prelude to a formal invitation to interview there in person. Bye bye last minute cramming for my final tomorrow since I'll be poring over the brochure in hopes of coming up with two or three intelligent sounding questions for the interviewer. (She specifically said she wanted to answer any questions I had, so I'd best HAVE some!) Suggestions for notable things to ask most welcome. This site specializes in sex offender treatment.
Passed the screening interview and have a physical one scheduled. W00T!
***** UPDATE *****
Got a request to do a preliminary phone interview with place in IL tomorrow or Friday as a prelude to a formal invitation to interview there in person. Bye bye last minute cramming for my final tomorrow since I'll be poring over the brochure in hopes of coming up with two or three intelligent sounding questions for the interviewer. (She specifically said she wanted to answer any questions I had, so I'd best HAVE some!) Suggestions for notable things to ask most welcome. This site specializes in sex offender treatment.
Passed the screening interview and have a physical one scheduled. W00T!
Saturday, December 06, 2008
Happy Problems
Wow... I was going to make today my last day with the domestic violence group but I was unwell this morning, so I'll wrap it up next week instead. I had thought about sitting in on the women's group because my classmate has also decided to stop going, and she's been sitting in on that group, so there will be an opening. Decided against it because I just have to cut back on commitments at this point.
So never mind sitting in, just a moment ago the woman who runs that group, a friend from my masters program, OFFERED ME HER JOB!!! She wants me to take over her group in February. I thought the group leaders were employees but it sounds like they are private contractors and the money actually goes directly to them, so that's $350 for two hours each weekend;$175 an hour. Damn!
I'm going to say no, but it's kind of nice to get offers like this. Sometimes I just need to know there is some real world advantage to having spent the past five years in school...
So never mind sitting in, just a moment ago the woman who runs that group, a friend from my masters program, OFFERED ME HER JOB!!! She wants me to take over her group in February. I thought the group leaders were employees but it sounds like they are private contractors and the money actually goes directly to them, so that's $350 for two hours each weekend;$175 an hour. Damn!
I'm going to say no, but it's kind of nice to get offers like this. Sometimes I just need to know there is some real world advantage to having spent the past five years in school...
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
INTERVIEW!!!!
OMG, I got an INTERVIEW!!! That's two turn downs and one interview out of 15 applications. So it was worth all the pain after all. Bliss! Of course this is only the first step, but hey, I'll take it!
Of course all three dates they offer are Wednesdays and I will be teaching in the evening on that day, but I'll either interview in the am and try to jet back in time for the class or I'll find someone to cover for me.
OMG omg omg.... EEEEE!!
Of course all three dates they offer are Wednesdays and I will be teaching in the evening on that day, but I'll either interview in the am and try to jet back in time for the class or I'll find someone to cover for me.
OMG omg omg.... EEEEE!!
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