How you know it's TOO DAMNED HOT!!!

So the day I got here I left an unopened diet 7-Up in my car. The next day it got up to 114 degrees and I went out to the car to get something. There was this funny little silver disk on the floor and as I looked at it I realized... oh my shit, this is the lid to a can! Yep, the sucker had boiled and blown the top of the can off, spraying 3/4 of the can of soda all over the inside of my car. The bottom of the can was pushed out about an inch, too. No harm done (that I've discovered so far) and thank heavens it was diet. I was thinking as how it must have been pretty damned dramatic to be in there as it happened though!

I wonder how hot it got inside the car to do that?

Progress!

Well the visit to the progressive care place went great, except Dad was in too much pain to go, so we're staying another day and he's going back with us tomorrow. Mom liked it, but is more than a little ambivalent about moving. Dad, on the other hand, was convinced by my very articulate sister (aided by pictures she took while we were there and the fact that it turns out this company is the same one my two grandmother's were with in their old age) and is ready to move sight unseen. We won't quite go there until we've seen a few more, but it's very encouraging. It also made the home health care nurse's visit go better when we told her they were in transition to a new situation.

Mom discovered she had no underwear this morning and simply said thankyou when I showed her the "underwear with a pad built in"

Today we've been cleaning out their sheds with the same group who cleaned the house the past couple of days. A wonderful family who offers all purpose service. The neighbors spied them at work and came over to hire them for more work across the street when they're done here! That might help Dad maintain the cleaning service until they are moved elsewhere.

So all in all I'm optomisitic. I'm still emotionally struggling (personality stuff - family or origin conflicts etc) but knowing that perhaps they are going to actually address the problems and fix them SOON is a huge help. I'm very anxious about what I'm not doing for myself, but the thought that these trips to work with my parents on every little crisis are not going to go on and on and on.

I am SOOOO ready to go home. I never do well with my folks for more than a day or two and we're on day 5 now. Ugh.... soon now, soon.

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UPDATE!

W00T!!!! They put down a deposit on a 2 bedroom apartment in the place we looked at Saturday and again today. Dad wants to move THIS WEEK! Wow, after 5+ years of trying to get them to do this it's a little shocking to have it happen in a weekend's time. Good shock though. =)

Parents

Well no relaxation to speak of so far. I worked on taxes (filed an extension in April) over the weekend, worked Monday and Tuesday at my practicum and today I'm packing to leave for Nevada to meet my sister and help get my parents through Dad's back surgery. Dad has been a prick of late-nothing new-so I'm not in much of a mood to go help him with anything. Will do this for Mom and to help L (sister).

It's feeling along like Spring "break" right now, where the moment I got out of school I launched into catching up on stuff at home and work, then spent the rest of the break not so happily with my family and went back to school. I think I managed like two days of actual relaxation. This time though I have the summer ahead when I come home again. And even though I have tons to do, it's at least a change. I'm going to try to build in a day each week for actual ME time, to spend with mu husband, pets and just enjoying myself. If I don't get the self care thing built in I don't know how I'll survive third year!

So I'm dragging my ass around the house because I really, really, REALLY don't want to go on this trip. I feel so badly for AR, who after supporting me through everything and waiting patiently for school to be over, is once more taking a back seat to other things in my life. Not good...

Getting old sucks. I don't blame anyone for being old or needing help, but dammit, if you get in that spot at least make it as easy as possible for your loved ones to help you. And BE NICE!!!

On an up note, I just finished my first complete neuropsych battery and it turned out to be an absolutely fascinating case! Still pretty shaky on scoring the Rey figure, but at least now I've done it. And OH MY GOD, Color Word Interference on the D-KEFS is hands down the most miserable test to both administer and take, in the world! I'm thanking my lucky stars that my client's frustration tolerance was sturdy. That was good information too, since it was essentially one of the referral questions. I can see why this subtest is not administered in some settings. Just too good an excuse to strangle someone!

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UPDATE

Dad's surgery went well. He's home now and quite mobile but in a fair amount of pain. It's post surgical pain though and the pain he went in for is gone. Yippee!

Mom on the other hand, is not so great. She's gone downhill badly even since the RV trip at spring break. We had multiple disasterous incontinence episodes with her yesterday and today. She also managed to lock my sister, L, and the cleaning people out of the house. No amount of pounding could get her to come to the door and in the end they had to call the house phone from a cell phone. It still took a long time for her to come to the door, and when she did she told L that she had to go put some pants on before she could open the door (she'd been about to shower)... only she hadn't! She was in her undies. AKK!!

Tomorrow we're having lunch at a progressive care facility and getting a tour. Tonight L and I bought Mom a nice new cane and a box of Depends. We removed all her underwear from her drawer and replaced them with the diapers so she'll have no choice but to wear them when she gets up. I dread the morning when she discovers our subterfuge. We're going to insist she use the walker I bought her three years ago when we go out tomorrow, too. This is the first time we've ever forced anything on either of them. Dad promised he would back us up and follow through after we play the bad guys up front. I still hate everything about the situation, but I hate it less than having her make these awful messes everywhere and then insist it's just a fluke and deny she has a problem.

On the up side the house cleaners did a fabulous job and the house is livable again. As a result L and I can stay here (the deal is we won't stay unless they hire professional housecleaners to make the place livable) and we don't have to add the strain of hotel separations. Whether Dad will promptly fire them again when we go is yet to be seen. This is the third time we've set up a crew for him.

I know there are going to be at least one or two more trips before they're where they need to be, but I desparately don't want to come back here. I want to be done with the stress and pain of this transition and I want to get on with my life without having to feel guilty all the time that I'm neglecting my parents in some way.

Phyllis Diller was right... getting old's not for wimps!

It's Over.

It's been one whole day and I'm still buzzing like a tuning fork from 9 weeks of stress. No, really it's more like however many days it's been since the first week of October when this academic year started. I don't recall any of my breaks being relaxing.

Thursday we had a big send-off party for the third years since they're all on their way to internships. It turned out to be much harder to say goodbye than any of us expected. Then Friday I went out with a big group of (now) 3rd and 4th years for lunch and more goodbyes. Waaaaah!!! When it hit me that all my favorite leaders and supporters were leaving I actually felt like I might fall over; like a toddler standing unsupported for the first time. How odd... I didn't realize how much I looked up to those people ahead of me until then! Now how in the hell can I even pretend to e a leader and mentor to the classes behind me when I feel so completely lost?

This may sound weird to my readers, but you see this is a brand new program, so I'm not just going along a well worn path in a ritual that thousands at this university have followed before me. I am in the second class EVER in this program. Many changes were made as a result of what we learned from the year ahead of me, and more will doubtless be made based on my cohort's experience. Being the main leader person in our tiny cohort I feel particularly exposed just now. I can't even imagine how they must have felt and must be feeling, as the pioneers.

I haven't set up my new practicum yet. I'll go up there Wednesday and see to that. Doubtless the acceptance procedure will take a bit. It's only a formality as I've worked there before and they like me, but the Clinical Committee will still have to interview me and have a meeting and all that jazz. Which means I will have only two days a week of practicum and NOTHING ELSE until this comes through. I opted to have my Comps e-mailed to me on July 1st, so I have two weeks before I will even have to think about that, and one month from then to complete the questions. I plan to give myself a whole two weeks off with no internship application work, no dissertation work, no nada!

My dad is having back surgery on the 19th, so I'll take the following Monday and Tuesday off in case I need to be out with my folks longer than expected. That trip won't be a thrill, but at least it's not school.

Now if only I could manage to FEEL done, I'd be golden. How long does it take for this student shit to wear off, anyway? Guess I'll slip a little more meditation into my days and see if I can clean out the residue. =)

Something Completely Different!

Just 'cause I was cleaning off my camera card to make room for the last day of school ( the third years will all be leaving us for internship!) Thought I'd share some pics of someone who just LOVES being in the limelight!

The first honeystick of the season

He doesn't really get all that honey; the first time he drops it I snag it and put it in my tea. It's funny to watch him though, because after he puts a hole in one end and gets a few drops out, the level gets low and he flips it and tries the other end. That, of course, results in all the honey getting squeezed out the first hole, so he flips it again... the most fun is when he figures out what's happening. Then he flips it and holds it horizontal, eyeballing the far end and trying to figure out how to reach it. Once or twice he's actually figure out that he can prop one end on something and hold the other flat enough to get more honey, but this year he doesn't seem to want that much anyway.

This is what Gus gets up to back there with AR in their office. He has his own workspace next to AR's and is in charge of mining those catalog-sized programming books for nuggets of information (Which he passes on to AR in the form of dust to be inhaled).

This took a little over a week to accomplish

The proud miner

What you can't see in this picture is all the Gner in his Gnares! His nose holes got almost completely plugged with white paper dust, until AR started chasing him out every half hour or so and sweeping the cave. Gus had to be moved all the way across the room due his indignation at having his castle violated! He's since made two or three more of these caves, but none as grand as this first one. It eventually became a tunnel.

And our newest funthing, the PetPocket carrier! AR takes him cycling in this and I take him walking.

It's ok. It's OK. IT'S OK!

Breaaaaaath!

I am going to make it. I finished my take home final two weeks ago and only need to review it before printing it out. My term paper is short just one more consideration which, along with the summary, will take me to the page requirement... and it's nearly writing itself, the material flows so easily.

It's the dissertation proposal draft that's got me all weirded out. I just changed my whole approach to a qualitative study, about which I know very little. So much of my work at this point, in addition to the lit review which has been ongoing for a year now, is learning how to do qualitative research. So I guess all I can do for my dissertation proposal is make a skeleton and say "methods would go in the methods section here" and "a critical review of all the literature I've read will eventually go here, under the lilt review heading" and so forth. I don't know what the fuck else to PUT in this thing, and it's due Friday!

I'm trying not to be angry that, frankly, this course requirement which I know is supposed to be urging me along the way, is actually getting in the way of my progress. I was happily reading and making notes, and talking to people and making notes, when along came this fucking assignment to do something I simply CANNOT do at this point in my process. So instead of continuing down a productive path, I am spinning in circles trying to figure out how to turn in a product that won't be a complete joke. Thus I have put it off to the very end of the term in hopes someone would explain to me what hell to DO for the course requirement. The prof says "just sit down and start writing and it will come to you" but I have sat down repeatedly and absolutely nothing is coming. I have DICK at this point.

Ok, I have a research question which I have refined, I have decided to go qualitative, and I have expanded my lit review topics a fair amount during this dissertation course. But none of that translates into more than a few words on a proposal. Sigh.

So this morning, when I should have been at least finalizing my paper and my final, I pressure washed all the bird cages, the back porch, the patio furniture, and the nose of my car. I then scrubbed the kitchen top to bottom and vacuumed the whole house. Now that I've spent all of an hour on the dissertation project, I have squirted over here to blog, itching to clean the kinda ganky fish tank, and thinking I ought to make ice cream.

GAH!