Well the last two applications went out this morning, so I am officially done with that part of my odyssey. I have been told that this wasn't the worst part, but that the waiting for interviews, interview process, waiting for match and then possibly the clearing house is all just as awful. I simply can't imagine that. I'm prepared to have no interviews at all. I've heard that at some very prestigious, APA accredited schools not one student got an interview last year, so if I don't I'll certainly be in good company. I imagine there will be stress yet to come, but this was so horrific and my expectations are so low I simply can't imagine how anything could top this.
I thought about it and decided that if I get nothing at all I will not regret having gone through this. I'm not glad that some of my professors (one in particular) have been insensitive pricks and made this much harder than it needed to be. I'm also not pleased that some of my classmates (a couple who aren't going through the process this year)have done that too. But overall this has tested me in ways I never dreamed of. It's tested my marriage, which has come through well thus far, and it has tested my friendships.
I have two weeks of school left after Thanksgiving and an unholy amount of work to do to see that through, but one way or another this ghastly term will be over in three weeks. I still have some prep to do for the class I'm teaching in January and my dissertation looms like an enormous thunderhead all the time. Still and all, THIS term, the WORST term, is done. Two more and the whole academic hill will be crested. Woo Hoo!!! Ok, that wasn't a heartfelt woo hoo, but at least I said it.
Didi, I remember your pain in that last term before your comps and I feel like we're blood sisters. I guess there is some truth to the talk about how some portion of grad school is just about suffering and persevering for it's own sake; to be in the "club" I think the idea that everyone NEEDS to go through that to get a doctorate is bullshit, but ok, since I suffered it, I'll give it a nod.
Here's to some peaceful time for all of us grad students in the world just to BE for some little time, without any cares.
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2 comments:
I agree there is no reason we should have to go through so much pain and suffering to get a Ph.D. -- and I think part of it is just professors thinking we should have to suffer like they did.
But, I am a different person for having gone through all of these hard times, and I have learned some incredibly valuable lessons about myself and about others. It's not that I'm glad it happened, but that I know I have done the best I could and that at least I'm growing from the experience.
I'm glad you are almost done with the worst of it... hang in there.
Congrats on getting that mountain of applications done - I'll think good thoughts for you!
I think some professors are just assholes because they think they're entitled. Ugh. It takes little effort to be nice, but I guess they just can't do it. And some of the students were rather interesting, too. I guess it takes all kinds.
I hope you have some time this weekend to enjoy the holiday. Only two more weeks after that :)
Donna
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