Sunday, August 26, 2007

Pets Are Overrated

Pets don't care when you're sick. They don't care that you were writhing around in the bed all night with an alien threatening to erupt through your abdomen, your back with a hot poker in it and foam rubber in your lungs. Pets want breakfast, want out, want the door opened and closed for them and want the chair you're sitting in. They don't care that the milk went sour and nobody remembered that you said you wanted pancakes for breakfast. They scream and wail and if you don't pay attention to their needs they may even bite, especially if there is a BIRD right where they had planned to sit and contemplate the universe, or if there is a CAT where they had planned to have a good round of operatic practice.

Cats do care sometimes. Anyway they start to care and they come and put their cold noses on the back of your hand and lick your forehead to remove the offending skin, but then they begin to overdo and they climb up on you so they can look deeply into your eyes, treating you to a first-hand example of one of the rarest laws of nature: the entire weight of a cat resides in EACH of its feet such that the cat is four times heavier when it stands on you, particularly if the feet are positioned right where the alien is about to burst forth and scuttle off into the air ducts. Then the second cat cares so much it joins the first and they have a battle on your chest while you struggle to breathe through the foam rubber and 108 pounds of cat.

Birds might care briefly too. They may begin to preen your hair solicitously, but soon find it's more fun to yank than preen and spy a WORM in the form of your ear under all that hair and set forth to remove it. They start to coo and peep at you but that too is only ephemeral because in a moment they recall how much THEY need a good head rub and demand you stop clinging miserably to that cup of hot tea and scritch them, NOW... and they scream to move things along.

Yep, pets are definitely overrated.

4 comments:

Donna said...

And here I thought that cats only cared for us because we scratch their ears!

Hope you feel better soon!

~T~ said...

You need a friendly dog, like a lab. My dogs fret over me when I nap and they do rounds peering at me over their clipboards.

Alas, they still need fed and let out and they can't drive to go to get stuff at the grocery store.

Get Better.

Anonymous said...

Dogs are pretty friendly and they usually don't mind if you want to cuddle.

Sounds like you are suffering. Here is a virtual bowl of soup.. I hope you get better soon.

Mamabeek said...

Aw... thank you for the soup, s-girl, and everyone for their kind wishes. Yeah, I prefer cats and birds for their independent natures (though there are some dogs who share that trait - and I do love dogs too) but there's the flip side that they're a hint self absorbed. Actually I have gotten cuddles and sympathy from all my pets this week (excepting the fish), just not that night and morning when it was the worst.

I think this is something I picked up at the APA meeting (and they didn't even charge extra, what a deal!) and I just cannot seem to shake it. I'll feel better in the morning and then it creeps up on me as the day goes on and by the afternoon I'm miserable again. I'll give it credit for being a creative bug though, as I get slightly different symptoms every day. Joy! I'm done with work until Friday so I plan to snooze, read and drink gallons and gallons of water between now and then.