The Last Hurrah

Wow... it is really nice to come back to this place and find something so solid and familiar. It's like going to your old house and finding your bedroom is just as you left it when you went out to "become someone." Finding that anyone still reads here surprised me, and made me feel guilty for "abandoning" my virtual friends. The problem is though, I no longer feel safe here since doing a search on my real name I was able to trace myself here. Damn!

I don't know if there is really anything dangerous about having this info up here, but being in forensic work I worry that 1. some defense attorney will use an ancient blog post to flay me or defame me in some way down the line or that 2. a criminal will track down my friends or family through my online activities. The second is only really a concern on Facebook, where I use yet another alias. I must say I am mightily disturbed to find myself skulking around in secrecy with a gazillion identities in order to feel safe. Hmm... I know I have a few readers who can relate to that, and I think it is awful that the new age of connectivity is creating this sort of defensiveness in so many people who just want to connect and communicate with like-minded others. Ah well, this is what it is for me, so I will need to find a way to move forward. I don't want to lose the threads of all of you though, even though I haven't kept up on your lives regularly. Sniff!!

So one last update before I wipe this slate clean. I did finish my dissertation and have graduated. Yay! I was interviewed for one of the state jobs that I really wanted and am STILL waiting to hear back for sure if I will or won't be hired. 8-10 weeks they said. Is that nuts or what? So here we are on week 9 and while I have applied for some other things, I have let a few possibilities go in favor of this one. The level of angst that goes with this much uncertainty is indescribable, but then I have put myself here, so here I must sit.

To pass the time usefully I have been studying for the EPPP (national licensing exam) and plan to take it in Dec (can you believe that begins tomorrow?). The state has to approve all my activities to present before I can test, so I am again waiting on them for my next step. Do we see a theme here? Once I have a license I really hope I can manage to free myself from this sense of being a tiny puppet on a string.

In a week or so I should have an answer to the job question and hopefully the exam status as well. Whither then? I cannot say... mostly because I don't have a crystal ball.

I am tempted to leave this until I can answer those questions here. I don't know that anyone cares, but it feels wrong to close the chapter without resolving the story line. =) So ok, one more post and THEN I'll get out the eraser!!